It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Ok, so it was really a tragic time. Who enjoys a foreign object being embedded in their leg, especially when the said foreign object is a fresh water fish? Yes, it was a tragic time indeed.
This particular episode out of the life of Stephanie aired Tuesday, March 15, 2011. The day was exceptionally beautiful; the wind was moderately blowing rustling the leaves of nearby trees, birds were flying in unison to the sound of the wind and the dogs were running around the yard enjoying each other’s canine company. It was the perfect day to enjoy nature.
As I contemplated what to do for the few remaining hours of daylight on this pristine evening, I conquered the idea of fishing. I love, love, love to fish…almost as much as I love wearing diamonds. Therefore, it only made sense to go fishing. Yes, I would go fishing. I quickly changed out of my business attire and into something fashionably hideous- grey shorts that came from Wal-Mart no doubt, an ex-boyfriend’s (who will remain anonymous) grey Adidas t-shirt and a pair of my most favorite shoes…my black Croc flip-flops. I pulled my hair back into a deranged ponytail and out the door I leaped.
I incessantly searched for my beloved Zebco 33 fishing pole, the small, plastic, blue container of worms (secretly hoping they were still alive after being purchased two weeks ago), an industrial disposable cloth, of which I refer to as a thick napkin, and off to the pond I galloped.
I was instantly accompanied by my three favorite fishing buddies, Penny, Mister and Lucey. Oh how they love to help me fish. Penny insistently nudging my arm with her long Doberman snout until near soreness, Mister trying to eat the worms out of the container and Lucey, well Lucey was prancing around as all self-righteous, spoiled Furry Babies do.
I quickly baited my hook for the biggest catch yet. My first cast resulted in an unknown being, probably a fish, playing with the hook- y’all know how those crazy fish will fool ya! One time under water, yank! Nothing. Second cast…same thing. At this point, I still had the worm intact so I decided to move to our second pond for bigger, more mature game.
Upon my first cast in the second pond, within moments, I had a biter. This fish really took hold of my hook and was GONE. Being the expert "fisher woman" that I am, I harnessed that pole and manhandled that fish. It was on dry land before you could say “I Got One”! This fish was obviously huge.
Being the expert that I am, I bait my own hook AND take off my fish…no need for gasps and applauds =). This fish was a catfish so it wasn’t as difficult to handle as a bream or white perch. I grabbed this animal under its fins and steadily removed the hook from its mouth.
As most of you know, when my sister Lacey and I get together, we are either fussing or laughing. It just so happened that we were laughing and carrying on, which did not help matters any. About the time I went to toss the fish back into the sparkling blue abyss of water, it fell onto my leg! The catfish fell onto my leg! Its entire fin was INSIDE my leg. At this point, I was panicked. I had a fish fin inside of my leg while the fish wriggled tirelessly.
Oh the tears and cries for help flowed like the blood spewing forth from my leg. I grabbed the Catfish, and held it still until my demand for pliers and scissors had been met. Lacey supplied me with both demands and together, we removed the entire fin from the Catfish. I tugged at the fin still inside of my leg to no avail. It would not budge. As the blood poured and my emotions bounced all over the place, Lacey decided I was going to the emergency room.
After an hour and a half, the doctor removed the fin from within my leg. People, this fin was an inch to an inch and a half deep in my flesh. OUCH!!! After two pain meds, two shots to my leg to numb the area, two incisions cut into my leg, the fin was finally removed. Such an epic end to a beautiful day.
So, as I am lying here in my comfy bed with pain meds docked bedside and my wound bandaged, I am leaving you with what I have learned from this experience; I have learned that Lacey WILL make a great nurse, Mister WILL get the worms from the small, plastic, blue container when a crisis is occurring and that I should always practice fashion over function on my next fishing excursions because the next time a catastrophe occurs and PUBLIC medical attention is needed, I will be able to hobble into the overcrowded emergency room looking ridiculously fabulous.
Pics of this incident can be viewed below.
***Viewer Discrection is advised***
